Da Spretland Times: It’s dannir time so wir tuckin intae a corn o Belgian maet, cheese, pizza, loff an juice. Da sun is been beatin doon fae we raise dis morning aboot da foreside o 8 o’clock as we spok Phlegmish, rifted, crecksed, spret at an took on whilst makkin ready ta set aff fae da Bonapartdock whar we wir tied up neest ta a Polish boat caad “Kapitan Glowacki”. Da dregs o da crew dat wis been oot fur a final finale spree boarded da ship ta fin Peter speakin ta twartree o dir crew, so we (no names ta protect da guilty) took wir new 12 euro case o CrapPils lager an offered dem dat. Da brucks o da case is remaining daday minus 1 drunken at 11am ta quench da trist whilst pentin da capstan.

Brian paints capstanHalf da deck is been clerted wi a coatin o oil dis mornin as da musicians played an array o ‘lullabys ta clatch ta’.

Raw ScooperRaw Scooper wis provin difficult ta reesle earlier on as da culmination o female sailors an hard liquor took its toll on da debateless peerie oorick o a fellow. He’s fun energy reserves fae somewhar ta manage ta lay himsel oot on deck an generally get in da rod o Brian da Painting ClatchMaster General. Da spree dastreen wis a mixed affair. Spoons an William gud ta hang loose at “Hang(ov)er 26” (muckle building fur da sailors ta glip drams an schleps pan-foos o mussels). Meanwhile, Me, Raw, Nicol, Peter, Marc (wir liason officer) an Charlie attended a spree on da Esprit (pronounced ‘a-spree’). We spok ta a screed o Irish eens aboard an drank a modicum o peerie “aluminium breakfast size” cans o lager. Dan nature took its coorse an we hed ta disembark da yacht ta ease an impending grething requirement.

…………………………………………. Newsflash: Me and my co-writers for the Spretland Times have been informed by reliable sources that if Glenn’s goings on are revealed on this broadcast he will take thunderous flailing swapps and with strointing ferocity will labber us to da bowsprit wi a roond-moothed shivvel a his right haand an a left-handed tushkar a tidder. So it shant receive an airing as we are fairt. ………………………………………….

Laurie, Tommy an Liam gud ta dir local haunt which wis a Mexican place caad ‘Tropical Grill House’ as it wis da hidmaist night here an somehow or anidder dir favourite waitress got lifted by da authorities “Politie”. Dey wir forced dan ta opt fur a scar o italian fodder. On anidder note, Laurie is been keeping a diary o events on dis hole trip. We ir convinced it wid win Gold at da coveted Hams o’ Roe Post-Rooing Literature/Crö stenklin awards weekend. Peter is joost wakened fae a neeb – he appears ta be pintled an spret. (Close: SG / GJN / RAC) Thank you for takkin paice fur a peerie start an skoiting at dis lang winded insertion / rambling / rant. We are staying da night in Breskens doon by a sooth banks o WesterSchelde (pronounced ‘Waster Skeld’). NEEST